Maintaining the Posture of Power While Looking for a Job

by Ben Toalson | Sep 8, 2014 | In The Boat, Uncategorized

It Feels Personal

As I write this I am in the process of finding a job that will cover my expenses so that I can spend some of my free time discovering and building my passion without putting it under unnecessary financial pressure. So I’m doing what most people do when looking for a job. Submitting applications and resumes. This has been a particularly challenging experience in that I have found it difficult to separate my personal feelings from the process. It feels like a personal thing. A job means money which means food on the table and shelter overhead for my family. These things are kinda a big deal to me, which is why it’s difficult when I sense a hint of rejection or dismissal. It’s not just a dismissal of me, but of what I want to be able to provide for the people I care about.

At the Mercy of Others

A similar thing happens with potential clients. I don’t want to discount my services, so I quote the full value of a project. Whether the client doesn’t have that kind of budget, or doesn’t agree with the value, any question or delay that comes into this process could potentially create a gap in my ability to provide for my family. When we find ourselves in situations like this it is easy to feel like we have no control over the situation, like we are just along for the ride and are at the mercy of the thoughts and decisions of others.

Frozen and Powerless

When I feel like I’m not in control, I tend to freeze a little. I’m waiting to hear something back about a job and everything else in my life is suspended, like I’m holding my breath. At worst, imagine someone sitting in a chair in their house, just holding and staring at their phone, checking it incessantly, refreshing their email app every few minutes. I’m not quite there yet. This is a posture of powerlessness. When we take on this posture it affects everything else we do. What I have chosen to do, and what I would like to encourage you to choose, whether looking for a job or dealing with potential clients, is to take on a posture of power.

What is the posture of power?

The posture of power is not forceful. When we make demands, raise our voices, complain or whine, or are inconsiderate in the way that we try to get the attention of the other party, we are giving up the posture of power. We are most likely acting out of our emotion and demonstrating that the other party has power over our emotions.

The person in the posture of power does not act on assumption. We all enter into new relationships having had experiences with other people. Some of these experiences have been negative and some positive. It’s quite natural to make assumptions based on your previous experiences in other relationships triggered by the way the other party is or isn’t responding, how they are behaving or communicating. The danger in acting upon these assumptions is simply that you do not have all of the facts. Maybe you feel, based on past experience, that the other party is showing a great deal of interest when in reality they are considering you as a second or third option for their open position. Maybe it seems like they are not interested at all and somewhat aloof, when in reality they are very interested in you, but are going through a huge transition and are having to scramble and temporarily work outside of their expertise. In either case you cannot act on what you do not know.

The person in the posture of power isn’t afraid of missing an opportunity. This is the one that gets me the most. If the other party is taking a long time to respond or work out their end of the deal, and waiting on them could potentially keep you from taking other work or opportunities, it is absolutely okay to move on or reset the time table. In fact, I believe it’s necessary. If you will not move on until you’ve heard something definitive, not only is there possibly a misunderstanding of the value of your time on the part of the other party, which sets a bad precedent in a new relationship, but you are also communicating that you do not value your own time. If this means that by the time they’ve circled around with an offer, you’ve already moved on to something else, that’s okay. If they don’t understand that then they are likely not someone you want to work with in the first place. If they do understand that they will likely be willing to wait for you or to change something on their end to make it worth your while.

The person in the posture of power knows what they can and cannot do. Sometimes we try to make ourselves look better by “fudging the numbers” a little bit on what we are not quite capable of doing, especially if a job prospect calls for a specific skill. What is okay to do, is to be honest about what you can’t yet do, but to frame it as something you are willing to and capable of learning, by demonstrating proficiency in similar skills. Even mastery in something that seems unrelated can work in your favor in that it can show that you have the drive, intelligence, and creativity to grow and excel in any given field.

The person in the posture of power knows what they will and will not do. Willingness can go a long way, but where the demands of a position come into conflict with our values, we must be willing to challenge those demands, even if it means passing on the opportunity. For this reason I strongly recommend writing out your values as they relate to a job or project. Imagine the possible scenarios where these values might be challenged. Write down your ideal situation.

The person in the posture of power can communicate genuine interest without worrying about coming across as desperate. It is absolutely okay to make it clear that you are interested in working with the other party, and that you feel like you would be a good fit. Genuineness and sincerity aren’t easy to fake, and when the other party senses those qualities, even if you are not their first choice, it leaves a positive impression that could lead to other opportunities down the road.

It’s a Dance

I am trying to change my mindset from thinking of this process as a game, where there are winners and losers, to thinking of it as a dance where we get to choose our “partner” and our “partner” gets to choose us. There are steps, there is a flow, it’s not personal but it is, in a way, intimate. I believe this shift in mindset and assuming the posture of power are necessary, not only in keeping us from having a negative experience with interviews and client proposals, but also to free us from the mental and emotional blocks that keep us from making things and moving forward.